Peace, Be Still

 

 It doesn't feel like the holiday season. Yesterday definitely didn't feel like Christmas at all. We did our best to make the most out of the day despite being without Mom--who is, arguably, the rock and the glue for our family. While we ultimately enjoyed being together and supporting each other, there was definitely a heavy cloud floating over us throughout the day.  I know it could be so much worse. Even though Mom is sedated and can't respond to us right now, at least she's here. I know that there are people who are so much worse off. But this is easily the hardest trial my family has gone through. Dad and I are heartbroken that she's this sick. I never, ever would've thought this would happen to her. Not that you can ever prepare, but gosh, this has been the shock of a lifetime.  This is just...hard.

It's been a month since my mom, my husband and I first started showing symptoms of Covid. After two weeks of a fairly rough bout of what felt like an intense case of the flu, Matt and I started to get better. Mom got worse. It's been a month since my dad took my mom to the hospital. It's been a month since we officially found out she had Covid-19 and bacterial pneumonia. It's been a month since she was first put on oxygen. It's been two weeks to the day since she was put on a ventilator. It's been two weeks since I got a call from the ICU doctor on my mom's phone telling me my mom wanted to speak to me. My mom, with horrible, gasping, ragged breaths told me that Dad said everything was going to be okay and she loved me. I could barely understand her and the doctor had to repeat what she'd said. I told her I agreed with Dad and everything was going to be okay. I told her I love her so much and she replied, "I know you do." I hung up the phone an...

 I'm not sure how often I'll write on here, but I needed an outlet. So, here I am. <3